01. Tiny Notes
Last bits of Spring 2024
O1. Tiny Notes
Last bits of Spring
Just reminding myself that I’m just a girl, and sometimes a girl just wants to blog like back in the Tumblr era, but more professional. Since I am finally finished with all of my graduate degree coursework. After all the pain, I’m still grateful for the lessons I learned about academia. Surely, it gets better?
I now have time to regain all of my hobbies. I miss all the creative activities I used to do. I miss running, I miss being vegetarian, I miss being outside and walking. I’m also on an introspective journey to remember who that girl was pre-pandemic because there has been too much trauma since 2019. I need aspects of her back. Listen, I know we mourn our past selves but we just resuscitate some elements of our past selves, or is it impossible?
So this note is an introspection on being a girl, and my Spring goals.
Walking
Now that I am on “summer vacation” from school I am committing myself, once again, to walking. I had forgotten how fun walking is. Before COVID, I used to set walking goals for myself. Each week I took about 10k steps, then the pandemic happened, then I moved to S. Korea, walking in Korea came naturally since they are a pedestrian city that invests in public transportation. Someone on TikTok said, “Japan is not advanced in technology, you just live in America,” and I felt that because America would rather spend on war-making than its decaying infrastructure. hehe. So, in Korea, I would walk around 15k-20k steps each day which is amazing. It goes to show how a walkable city is immensely better for our health and the environment. Overall, I miss living in a walkable city. S. Korea is a walkable country, that isn’t doesn’t limit its citizens to the city and I miss that aspect about Korea. Therefore, on this summer break, I am intentionally recommitting myself to walking 5-10 miles every day (realistically most days)!
Makeup, yup makeup
Another area of my life that I am learning about is being a girl. Gender is definitely a performance, depending on the occasion or relation, we tend to lean into that identity. I grew up with sisters, yet hardly felt like a girl. I think I was more tom-boyish after elementary school. Which is odd because I’ve been a “girl’s girl” my whole life, surrounded by various friend groups, yet I have never been femme. Now that I’m in my 30s, there is an overwhelming need to change, to date, to settle down. All of which are great and I look forward to but it reminds me of how much time I’ve never invested into my appearance as much as I have these past months. It all started because I was angry at people. At the time I felt like I didn’t have any control over my outcomes, so I started to focus on things I did have control over. School drained me physically and mentally. So I didn’t feel like I had control over my body, in the sense that I often didn’t have time to cook or workout. Therefore, most of what I had left to control over was my fashion and makeup. It sounds silly, but it came out of pure rage against systems. Which is kinda radical because I hated the idea of makeup growing up, even now I hate what makeup does do our skin. Personally, I started wearing concealer about two years ago and I notice small changes in my skin complexion after starting to wear makeup that makes me eeeekk but at the same time, I’ve started to find joy in wearing lip gloss mostly. So makeup. It’s new to me, it’s happening and I’m lowkey excited.
Writing
Now that I have more time, I can write for pleasure. It doesn’t have to be academic anymore. It can be anything, it can be terrible. It’s all mine. I have a lot to say, and I would like to have a balance between writing academically that is soul-crushing and writing for fun, about random things I love or how I feel. I’m excited to be writing a blog as an experimental writing process, hopefully, people read what I write, and may it serve as inspiration.
So far, those are my goals this Spring/Summer, they aren’t hefty. But we are going to be outside and writing this summer.
